


Like a Penguin with it's arse on fire

by Pearlislove



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Character Study, DCD - Developmental Coordination Disorder, Dyspraxia, Gen, Neurodiversity, The Doctor is Neurodivergent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 16:56:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10971471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pearlislove/pseuds/Pearlislove
Summary: "Like a penguin with its arse on fire." Bill answers, her voice so light and breezy, delivering the blow with the ease of someone who didn't mean it.Who didn't know the hurt in her words.She didn’t mean to offend him. Didn't, of course, know how he had always struggled to keep his balance, keep his body in check, keep up an elegant look to the outside world





	Like a Penguin with it's arse on fire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AutisticWriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutisticWriter/gifts).



> Gifted to Bookwormgir1LH because we had a discussion about Dyspraxia/DCD - which is a Neurological disorder that cause sever issues with gross motor skills, as well as finer motor skills - needed more representation. People suffering from the disorder -which is quite common though rarely diagnosed - are often severly impacted in their daily life, especially in childhood. Everything from walking and running to handwritung becomes a lot more difficult than to normal children.
> 
> It is my personal headcanon that The Doctor suffer from it, but that it's varying how obvious/sever the disorder is depending on regeneration - In this case the 2nd and 11th Doctor are those who has been the most affected by the Disorder, but all regenerations suffer from it.
> 
> I want to show in this fanfic how it feels to be a person who has this disorder, and how they can oftentimes feel based on my own experiences.

"Why do you run like that?" Bill looks at him, and he keeps his eyes on the puddle, pretending not to notice her curious stare. He didn't want to answer her and wasn't going to give her a truthful answer.  
  
"Like what?" The Doctor shoot back, not really hostile but  a bit snappish. He wasn't sure he wanted the answer.   
  
"Like a penguin with its arse on fire." Bill answers, her voice so light and breezy, delivering the blow with the ease of someone who didn't mean it.   
  
Who didn't know the hurt in her words.   
  
She didn’t mean to offend him. Didn't, of course, know how he had always struggled to keep his balance, keep his body in check, keep up an elegant look to the outside world.

  
Oftentimes he failed, but sometimes he succeeded, and that was the entire goal. He decidedly didn’t want to look like 'a penguin with it's arse on fire', and he can feel disappointment spreading in his body just from hearing his new companion say it.   
  
"Ergonomics. That's my face, yeah?" He gives an answer, and redirect her attention. He didn’t want to talk about his running, and he didn't want her to either. It had never been easy keeping his limbs under control, and some regenerations had it harder than others. For example his eleventh face had sure been pretty, but clumsy and unbalanced in a way he hadn’t been since his second regeneration.

 

He’d hated it, and he'd desperately hoped it been better this go around. Unfortunately, it seemed that that plan had failed. And while his eleventh face had not been easy to offend, he was, and the combination spelled unluck.  
  
\----   
  
"Hey, Doctor?" Bill glance at him, uncertain. He is wearing his glasses, and he thinks maybe she thinks he's falling asleep, but after a while she continues anyway. "You're not...you're not offended about what I said about your running, are you? I mean..I just...I didn't mean to offend." She looks so sheepish, and The Doctor feels bad for both himself and her. He doesn't want to discuss this, he really doesn't, but Bill doesn’t seem likely to drop it.   
  
So he looks at her from over the top of his sunglasses, and frown. "I don't mind. You should have seen my last regeneration, couldn’t move without knocking something over!" He laugh, tries to will away the tension between them. As he laugh, he realise that it's very weird for Bill to be talking of this now since  it’s been so long since Bill made a comment of it that he could hear. "Why do you ask?" He quirks an eyebrow and hopes he won't offend her in turn.   
  
Instead of looking offended, however, Bill looks...guilty. She looks away and blush and The Doctor really wonders, now. "Nardole said you might be uncomfortable. He heard me say it and said that you might be offended if you heard. I just wanted you to know I didn't mean it." She looks up at him, and her look is pleading, and he can feel anxiety ease in his gut.   
  
He smiles. "Of course not. Nardole tends to overestimate how easily offended I am." He leans back in his chair and smile more. Bless Nardole for taking River's words and looking out for him.  He'd know The Doctor would never speak up for an offensive comment like that, not even in this especially brash regeneration, and so he did.   
  
The Doctor didn't really know why he was so scared of telling her. Looking at Bill, sitting across his desk and reading her texts, oh so happy that she didn't  offend him, he didn't feel anxious or threatened. But as he thought of they way she'd surely laugh if she spotted him walking into a wall, or stumbling because he couldn't quite keep his balance, he could feel his stomach clenching immediately. He could feel the anxiety building in his chest and pushing the air out of his lungs.   
  
"You look like a penguin with it's arse on fire"   
  
Unshed tears burned in his eyes as he thought of that comment once more. He didn't mean to and he didn't want to, but ultimately it was not his choice. He looked silly when he ran, but he didn't stumble or fall or get off course. It worked, and that was better than if he did it any other way. It was more normal.   
  
He looked at Bill, again. Such an innocent woman, a kind girl that only wanted the best for those around her.   
  
She was so much better, than anyone on his home planet. Sure, she’d tease him and laugh, but it was in good will. There would be no gentle slaps on the shoulder from siblings or not so gentle reprimands from adults for not keeping his posture straight and walking right. No angry shouts for broken cutlery and unfortunate stumbles and no criticising teachers and threats failing grades for bad handwriting.

 

He looked down at his hands, and the pen resting in one of them. He noticed they were slightly shaking. The paper on the desk and had three rows of neat, perfectly legible text written on it. His handwriting was fine and legible, now, but it’d been forced. Just like everything that was now perfect- or close enough for him to fake it, either way - it’d been forced to become because any other option was not accepted by the always perfection seeking Time Lord society.  
  
“You know, Nardole said it is not your fault. He said you had a...a disability or disorder. Dyspraxia he called it. Like your brain” She tapped her afro with her hand, and gave him a questioning look. “Try to tell your body what to do, but it doesn't understand.” She smile, big and comforting, one hand crawling across the desk and landing on his. “And I want you to know it is okay. I get it.”

 

The Doctor squeezed Bill’s hand back, before leaning back into his chair and smiling. “Yeah, you do.”

 

Someday, he was going to let it all go. He was not going to be bothered to hide his stumbles and his clumsiness anymore. He was not going to fret for every coming generation how his issues would turn out in his new body.

 

But for now, he settled with having a companion who finally understood.  
  



End file.
